I had several prescheduled appointments to make. Time was tight but I had arranged each stop strategically so it would all work out.
I didn’t make room for error.
At the appointed time, we got into our van, turned it on and immediately I noticed that in order to do what I had to do and get back home, I would need gas or we’d be stranded.
I didn’t have time to get gas before all the scheduled appointments so I prayed that the van would get us through.
The warning sign didn’t come on until after the first appointment, about an hour away from home. I pushed through the next appointment and the next, and then started to drive home.
Recently a close friend asked me, “Does it get any easier saying good-bye?” She knew we had just lost our precious foster baby to her forever home and was concerned about how I was coping.
My immediate answer was, “No.” After a brief reflection, I answered, “Well, in some ways its easier and in some ways its harder.”
Knowing the pain to come, I knew the things I could do to help ease the pain. Finish her life book, meet up with friends, exercise and not over extend myself during this time of grieving.
When you know difficulty is coming, you can somewhat brace yourself. You prepare for the storm and you put in place those things you know have helped in the past.
But no thing can prepare me for the depth of this storm. And it’s when I try to press on in my own strength, thinking those things in themselves will completely heal my pain that I find myself running on empty. I can’t just stop at the next gas station and fill up.
I need to account for my human error.
It’s only in my intimate and deep dependency on my Jesus that I make it through.
Devotions and prayer become my refuge. The Word my anchor.
Scriptures like this, hold true;
“Come near to God and he will come near to you.” James 4:8
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’ 2 Corinthians 12: 9&10
And in my prayers, I don’t just hope that I’ll make it through, I know for certain that I will.