I have to say, part of me does not like the idea of getting older, but another part of me doesn’t mind at all. I am not old by any stretch of the imagination, as I sit on the cusp of my 45th birthday.
There are times I look at my hands and despise the faint spots that are starting to appear and the ropiness of the veins leading up to each finger. My eyebrows are ever encroaching upon my eyelids and the lines in my forehead are slightly deepening. Hair dye is now a necessity as opposed to a frivolity. There lies a little more weight around my midsection that is so difficult to get rid of. And this just covers the outward things!
What about the fact that I can walk from one room to another on a mission, only to arrive at my destination completely forgetting what the mission was? Or the times I am sharing a story with someone and mid-sentence the whole concept flees my mind for a few moments! Not to mention the realization of time passing quickly when a 20 something does not understand a cultural or media reference I have just made from the 90’s! It is still the 90’s right?
On the other hand, being in my 40’s is so completely liberating! I have a confidence and firm understanding of who I am, once lacking in my younger years. I am not worried about what others think of me and celebrate my individuality. I have learned the value of reflective thinking and introspection, appreciating solitude and quietness. I no longer need to fill conversations with my thoughts and opinions, but simply enjoy listening to others and exploring their points of view.
Spiritually speaking, I enjoy a much deeper and richer relationship with Jesus than I ever have before. Life is tough, with many knocks and twists, but through this I have proved the incredible value of spending time daily with my Saviour and soaking in His presence. More and more I am learning to trust in His faithfulness and provision. I am seeing that His plans and ways are much higher and greater than mine ever could be. Expectation grows within me as to how God is going to order my steps and watching for his signposts brings adventure. Surrender has become my anthem as I strive to be more like Him each day.
Recently, I came across a poem by A. B. Simpson entitled, “Himself.” It spoke to me of the great beauty of age as we transition through life and grow closer to God and reach spiritual maturity in Him. This poem is my prayer.
Once it was the blessing, Now it is the Lord;
Once it was the feeling, Now it is His Word.
Once His gifts I wanted, Now the Giver own;
Once I sought for healing, Now Himself alone.
Once ‘twas painful trying, Now ‘tis perfect trust;
Once a half salvation, Now the uttermost.
Once ‘twas ceaseless holding, Now He holds me fast;
Once ‘twas constant drifting, Now my anchor’s cast.
Once ‘twas busy planning, Now ‘tis trustful prayer;
Once ‘twas anxious caring, Now He has the care.
Once ‘twas what I wanted, Now what Jesus says;
Once ‘twas constant asking, Now ‘tis ceaseless praise.
Once it was my working, His it hence shall be;
Once I tried to use Him, Now He uses me.
Once the power I wanted, Now the Mighty One;
Once for self I laboured, Now for Him alone.
Once I hoped in Jesus, Now I know He’s mine;
Once my lamps were dying, Now they brightly shine.
Once for death I waited, Now His coming hail;
And my hopes are anchored safe within the vail.