Feeling Hopeless

Written by: Sarah Gingell

“Anything that feels hopeless is under the influence of a lie”
-Kris Vallotton- Bethel church

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life” Proverbs 13:12 ESV

These words pierced my heart so deeply the minute I heard them.
In a good way, that is.

My heart knew the truth but needed someone else to find the words.

I needed words to calm my sleepless heart that tosses and turns in the waves of life.
How can I NOT feel hopeless how can I have JOY when everything around me is pure chaos. When it feels as if the floor beneath me has caved.
How can a sick heart leap in triumph when so burdened by strife?

Currently in this season of my life, my husband and I are in transition. The oh so familiar transition we’ve experienced the last 2 summers. Big decisions and no control on how they turn out. I didn’t run into these circumstances like the arms of a long lost lover. It was a little more like running AWAY.

My husband is having to transition to another job due to the expiration of his companies contract, after only being at this one a year. Only having 6 weeks to find a new one with no prospects.
Also, we are trying to conceive and have been having troubles. Months of emotional exhaustion and disappointment with every negative pregnancy test. All to find out I was diagnosed with PCOS. A syndrome that causes my eggs to mature but not be released…and the list goes on.
With that being said I want to be real with you.

Everyone KNOWS to trust. Every one knows “all things work together for good”
but the reality is we don’t always know what that looks like. Our first thoughts are not always “ oh this is awesome!” In fact, most of the time fear can creep in within seconds.

Walking out of a Doctor’s office with hopes of good news, only to be let down.
Getting a new job that you love, only to find out its not going to last.
It seems to be a lot easier to have a breakdown before you even reach your car than to have your first thought be praise, when you don’t know what that actually looks like. It feels hopeless. It feel like a bottomless pit of despair. It feels like your tear stained cheeks will never be dry.

But that is a lie.

a couple days ago a fellow pastor was speaking on James 1:2. It’s the almost cliché well known verse. “Count it all joy…”
but he said something that transformed this verse for me. And it is currently changing my outlook on my current situation.

The pastor said the verse says count it all joy. So we think to “consider it joy” when we face trials of many kinds. We think it means you should be happy bad things are happening. Maybe all of you don’t think this but I did.
He began to explain that the words “count” back then referred to the elders or the first of the church. Meaning “ the leaders”

So Translated its saying “ have your FIRST or leading thought in the front of the line be grace and seeing the gifts given”
You See trials are “ unwelcome difficulties” and some of the time we are losing something in this trial. But if we are counting our joy… we aren’t remembering what we lost but we are choosing to remember what we already have.

This screams hope to me. That for me IS PURE joy.

Looking at my situation as seeing what I have. It has helped me to look at my situation and not have to find joy among the midst of difficulty but I can take it one thought at a time.

Sitting alone with my sweet Heavenly Father and letting him guide me so gently in finding my forward and my first thought. It is easy for me to look at the negative if I choose to have dinner with my gloomy thoughts, but when I allow myself dwell on the gifts in front of me the circumstances become less of a mountain.
I am able to separate the hopelessness from the lies. I’m believing and focusing on the joy and celebration from what God has given me.

One of the incredible gifts I have received through these tumultuous times is the women that have partnered along side with me. They have been by my side through prayer and through conversation. These women have shared the same struggles I am currently experiencing. These special women are the ones who have let me cry on the phone or in their lap when I’m feeling more than hopeless. They have been walking with me through this season because they know the heartache too well.

There is no pure jubilee in suffering but the joy these women have brought be just by being there and understanding is a gift beyond measure. It has helped me realize one day my struggles will be the light in someone else’s eyes because I will be the one that walks along with them in struggles of fertility and life’s transitions. What a beautiful thing I have to look forward to.

All of this to say…this doesn’t mean I’ve got it or mastered it. I’m still learning. I’m still trying to not let my head take over and trying to listen to the delightful words the Lord whispers to my heart daily. My prayer for anyone feeling hopeless is that their heart would not be troubled but would find all the beautiful gifts God has right now for you and your eyes would be set on him.

 

 

Hello there I’m Sarah!
I have been married to my incredible husband, Frederick for 2.5 years. We have a crazy cat named Jean Ralphio whom we adore. I am a Michigan native transplanted twice. First California and now currently in Seattle Washington. I am obsessed with coffee and crafts and love Jesus more than anything!