I can’t help but dedicate this week’s blog submission to my oldest son as I reflect on the events of the last twenty-four hours with him. He is a 17-year-old young man filled with life, spunk, adventure, risk, passion and determination. He is clever and daring, independent and fierce. His personality is magnetic and his sense of humour is brilliantly quirky. His smile would light up a room…Oh, his smile!
Ever since his first smile, at only two months of age, he has melted this momma’s heart and the hearts of many others blessed to receive it. His smile is huge and beautiful as it creeps mischievously up one side of his face, as if to invite you into his world of fun. His smile ignites his eyes with sparkling fireworks captivating all who are in his midst. That dazzling smile showcases a set of naturally gorgeous teeth as straight as an arrow. All in all, his smile is absolutely stunning and quite memorable, commented on by many.
Yesterday, however, his smile was altered in a way that broke my heart! In a fluke accident, while playing on a trampoline with his buds, he slipped while landing a flip with his face taking the brunt of the fall on the metal frame. Without sharing details, which would make even the strongest of constitutions squirm, we are now faced with some significant wound healing procedures and dental restoration in the next four to six weeks. While he lays at home convalescing, with a “face only a mother could love”, I mourn for his smile and pray to God that it will be fully restored to its original splendor.
As a mother, I don’t like to see my child hurt. I don’t like to see his handsome face banged up. I would much rather it be me than my son! I want to be the one dealing with all that is laid before him in the days to come and it pains my heart that he has to endure this travesty. Further, as a mother who marvels in the creation God allowed me to be a part of in bringing forth this child, I want nothing more than a life of goodwill, wellbeing and ease for him.
But, life is not like that and I can’t spare him from its unexpected flips and flops!
As I sat in the emergency room with my son, putting on a brave face amidst tears threatening to betray my demeanour, I transitioned through so many emotions that trumped my logic every time. “D’Anne, it could have been worse,” I said to myself in an effort to thwart my emotional turmoil. Each time, however, my emotions would answer with, “But, his smile is ruined!” or “He never needed braces and now look!” Add to this my frustration with him doing a flip, something I told him not to do one million times before, the sheer sorrow I felt on his behalf for his injuries and the vision of dollar signs mounting due to dental bills…I was a motherhood mess!
At one point, I had to dismiss myself while they did a procedure that nearly made me faint, leaving my husband to watch over our son. I sat in the corner of the main waiting area, away from other human beings, and wept quietly. I allowed all the emotions to come and wash over me, evicting them from our current situation in an effort to let logic prevail. As I sat with silent tears streaming down my face, God is His amazing love and grace spoke to me. He showed me that just as my husband sat resolutely over our son in my absence, He too was doing the same thing in that ER room. He shared that, as our heavenly father, His heart was also breaking for our son and that He understood all that I was feeling because He felt the same things as His Son hurt upon the cross. He reminded me that through Jesus He would make all things right again. He showed me that He loves our son even more than we do and He is more than capable of restoring what has been lost. Amen!