For this entry, I have chosen to be very open and honest with all of you. I have chosen to make myself vulnerable in an effort to help someone “out there” who is journeying through a difficult time and their trust in God may be wavering. I have chosen to be real.
As I pen this entry, I am but three hours from some medical tests to determine the outcome of some health challenges I have been facing. This is actually my second set of medical tests since January of this year! This does not include further tests I endured in the fall of last year. All of which have had the possibility of dire outcomes.
Along with the above medical challenges, this past year has been one of incredible change in my career. Exactly one year ago I moved from a family support role at one agency, a role I thoroughly enjoyed, to a role in executive management at another. It was a role I was not looking for, but one that found me by divine intervention. A role that demanded my obedience to God’s call. A role I would not choose for myself at this stage in my life. A role I did not want, but one I could not ignore. A role that has proven more challenging than anything I have ever faced in my professional life.
Further, as a ministry couple, my husband and I find ourselves in a season of transition. One in which we are in a supportive pastoral role as opposed to a position in active pastoral leadership. One that has taken us far beyond our comfort zone and caused us to wait for our time to step back in to full time ministry. In sports terms, it is our turn to be “benched” and wait for the “coach” to put us back in the game.
Sprinkle all of this with life’s wonderful surprises and curveballs along the way and it has been ONE INTENSE YEAR! A year that has challenged me. A year that has frustrated me. A year that has exhausted me. A year that has angered me. A year that has scared me. A year that has depressed me. A year that has simply stretched me to my uttermost limits! A year in which I have cried an ocean of tears! A year that has often caused me to want to run far, far away from all that is chasing me in an effort to find normalcy!
Then…I read this excerpt from my daily devotional by Sarah Young, “Jesus Calling.” It is an incredible devotional based on Sarah’s daily moments of solitude with Jesus. A time where she simply came to his feet, ceased all thoughts and just listened to what Jesus was saying to her. The words she pens are the words she heard from her Saviour.
“Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.
When you start to feel stressed, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me. Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us…Thank Me for the difficulties in your life since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.”
So today, daughters, as I am only hours away from a medical test with the potential for life changing outcomes, and in an effort to be an example to you, I WILL NOT RUN! I will face today holding firmly to the hand of my Saviour, thanking Him for the opportunity to grow closer to Him, trusting Him to bring about good from my current situation and denying my bent for self-reliance. Will you join me today and take His hand in whatever you are about to face? Let’s do this, together shall we?