Confession of a Minister’s Wife

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FullSizeRenderWritten by: Melissa Lefevers

Each week I come and try to give you a word that the Lord has given me. I pass it on with the hope that you to will be encouraged. This week I feel the Holy Spirit calling me to be very transparent.

I am married to a minister. He has worked with middle and high school students for the entirety of our marriage. He is absolutely called to this—and he  is good at it too. It is our hearts desire to see young people truly love and live for Jesus. We could never imagine doing anything else.

However, it’s hard. Yes, the work is hard, but ministry is hard on our marriage and we have learned MANY tough lessons along the way. This job of ours that is a privilege is 24/7. My husband is constantly on his phone. He is texting students, updating social media, checking an email, or maybe the scores of the baseball game. He gets called out at all hours of the night for anything and everything, and some days he works 16 hours of the day. He has to be very intentional of spending time with me and our children. We often sacrifice our time with him because we know he is doing what God has called him to do.

We have served in a couple of churches and let’s just say for the sake of integrity they were less than ideal. One in particular nearly broke my husband and we felt the Lord calling us to take a step back for the sole purpose of time to heal. God opened the door for him to work as a chaplain and we all got a break. Or so I thought. God orchestrated something that was beautiful. No, it was not beautiful at the time—it was ugly. All the hurt, heart ache, and resentment I felt for him came out in an ugly mess. We had built up wrong thoughts about each other. We had let our experiences at the church tear us apart. Somehow we didn’t even see it while going through it.

I felt like I sacrificed everything so he could do his job. He felt I always told him how to do his job better and acted like he wasn’t good enough to do it. All lies. But, we both believed them. Many hours of intense fellowship came after. Finally at the end of our ropes we talked to a counselor. He told us, “You sound like you have never lived as ONE flesh.

What in the world does that mean? What is means is: we were both going in two different directions. I stuffed what I wanted to say for a time but then eventually exploded on him. He just stuffed. We never took the time to walk as one flesh. We never took the time to really talk, really walk, really see each other for who we were. No, our entire marriage has not been bad and there were many, many good things in between, but the hurt we allowed to fester had to be taken care of and God made sure it was removed.

One flesh is not that hard when you look at it Biblically.

But for Adam no suitable helper was found. SO the LORD God caused man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. The the LORD God made woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh. Genesis 2:20-24

Adam needed a helper, and us ladies were created to be helpers. God took a rib from man to make woman. So they could be a part of each other. They were not just joined intimately but joined together in everything. Physically, mentally and spiritually acting in one flesh. Moving in the same direction. Doing this requires communication, sacrifice and love above all else.

I know that time was hard on Eric and I but if we did not walk through it—we wouldn’t have been ready for what we are doing now. We love where God has moved us and we love that we are doing ministry again. Yes, it hard but it is so much easier now that we are truly ONE FLESH.